The Marital Bliss
An example is this: A friend had a baby who was a year old and she invited me over for dinner with her family. While at dinner the baby started sucking on vegetables, making weird baby noises and then spitting out the vegetables. I ignore this. My friend keeps feeding the baby. Her husband starts instructing her about how she should feed the baby to make it stop making the noises. It starts escalating. I still ignore the whole situation. At this point she turned to me and said, “If you weren’t here right now, this would be a fight.” Ok – 1) I already knew that; 2) pointing it out did NOT make it any less awkward. Ah, the Marital Bliss. The kid is now three and, although I still talk to my friend all the time and occasionally meet her for coffee or shopping, I have not been back to dinner since that night.
Another example: I was at a friend’s house. They started having a stupid argument making comments about the pillows not being fluffed exactly right (Um, yeah…If you’ve seen my house, you know how especially ridiculous this is to me). It got weird and I said “Is this a weird married people fight?” They stopped arguing, claimed it wasn’t and started acting like normal people again. The Marital Bliss.
Although it can be witnessed at just about any store — Pier 1, Pottery Barn, Best Buy — where married people shop together, the best place to observe the Marital Bliss (other than at your friends’ houses) is Ikea. For some reason that place if full of the Marital Bliss. Maybe it has something to do with purchasing big ticket items for their homes that gets them fired up? In any case, the most uncomfortable part for me is whether I should ignore it, change the subject before it gets too weird or get up and run away as quickly as possible…