How to Survive a Breakup
You’ve all experienced this in one way or another. You broke up with someone. Someone broke up with you. Or you are a friend of someone who had just broken up with someone else. So needless to say, I am sure you all know the pain.
My boyfriend and I broke up recently and it’s been rough, to say the least, because we are still in love with each other. We recognize that we had a really good relationship and that we got along so well. We were able to communicate, listen, and compromise. We were connected emotionally, physically and intellectually. But we broke up because there is no future. He is going back to his home country at the end of this year, and we both finally admitted to ourselves that our relationship would not survive over there.
Since the breakup, I’ve been examining my feelings and grieving the loss. And, for the fist time in my life, I’m not rushing into a new relationship so that I can find myself and come out of it without any baggage. In the past, I might have simply masked the pain by denying my feelings, distracting myself with a new relationship, or simply treating myself like a victim and hating the world. But now that I’m more mature, I am handling it in what I think is the best way. Those of you who know me realize that I am a fan of self-help books; so yes, I’ve been reading them, too. Not that I am a veteran of failed relationships, but I think I’m doing a hell of a good job dealing with this. So I thought I’d share with you some insight on what I am doing to survive the breakup. And of course, I’d love to get some advice from you, too, on how YOU cope with the loss of a significant other, too.
1. Treat the breakup as what it is. Do not fantasize about getting back together in the future. Accept your reasons for the breakup, and accept that your relationship is over. This way, you can really deal with the reality and set real boundaries.
2. Talk to your friends and family and ask for their support. Know that you are loved by them and that you are not alone. Accept their support.
3. Grieve. Really grieve. Cry. It’s okay. Let it all out. Don’t deny your negative feelings. Don’t react to them. Just let your feelings be and accept them as they are.
4. Have some alone time. Don’t rush into a new relationship or start dating right away to mask the pain. Take some time to heal.
5. Keep yourself busy. Go out with your friends. Find a hobby. Go to a park. Go to the gym. Don’t shut yourself out from the rest of the world.
6. Realize that the pain that you are experiencing is just temporary. Remember, time will heal. And life will go on. And eventually, you will be over him or her.
7. Be good to yourself. Take good care of yourself. Treat yourself well. Remember to love yourself.
8. You may want to hook up with an ex or someone else. But don’t. It really won’t make you feel better.
9. Don’t assume that alcohol will make you feel better, either. It won’t.
10. Once you are over the break up, analyze the relationship and yourself. How did you grow from this experience? What did you learn about yourself from this experience? What will you do in the next relationship that is the same? What will you do differently in the next relationship (If you made mistakes, don’t beat yourself up. What has happened has happened. Don’t dwell in the past. You cannot change what has already happened. Just be sure to not make the same mistakes again in the future). You need to accept things as they are and learn from the experience, good or bad.
11. Finally, when you are ready, make yourself available to meet others. Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea.