Best Lawyer Jokes

Why is it that non-lawyers seem to enjoy—really relish—telling lawyer jokes? There has to be some kind of psychological or sociological explanation.

There are more jokes about lawyers than jokes about any other profession; yet lawyers don’t seem to partake in them all that much. We always seem to be the last ones in on the joke—ha ha ha—as if we’ve never heard that one before.

Curiously, lawyer jokes are never all that funny when told by a lawyer. Actually, to me, lawyer jokes aren’t all that funny, period, when told by anyone, including non-lawyers. Maybe I just don’t have that kind of humor. But sometimes, lawyer jokes do work. Perhaps jokes about lawyers work because when they’re told by outsiders, you can always detect a hint of envy, self-righteousness, and—here’s the real kicker—truth.

Did you hear about the lawyer in the small town who was starving and could barely make ends meet even though he was the only lawyer in town? No business—until a second lawyer moved to town, hung out his shingle, and they both got rich.*

P.S. This joke would have been a lot funnier delivered by your neighbor at your holiday party.

Job vs Career (or What I Want to Be When I Grow Up)

We have all heard someone say– “Oh, this is just a job–it’s not my career.”

 So what is the difference between a “job” and a “career”?

According to Webster’s, a “job” is:

“A regular activity performed in exchange for payment; a position in which one is employed; a task that must be done.”

Alternatively, the definition of “career” is:

“A chosen pursuit, a profession or occupation; the general course or progression of one’s working life; A path or course, as of the sun through the heavens.”

Doesn’t the word “career” sound much more exciting and fulfilling than the word “job”?  Come on…a path or course as of the sun through the heavens….versus…a task that must be done?  I don’t know about you, but I hate to imagine myself chained to a Kafka-esque desk, forever laboring over some task that must be done for the rest of my days.

Is the idea of career a myth?  Is it possible to find a job that embodies the concept of career? 

I had no CLUE what I wanted to do right out of law school.  I didn’t even know that there was a difference between transactional type jobs and litigation jobs.  I landed in a firm doing commercial litigation.  Phew!  I got a job–that was the first and highly important step in my career.  And then I got another job–and then I got another job. 

And then what? 

Tell you the truth–I don’t have an answer.  I am beginning to understand which direction I’d like to go in.  My nascent understanding comes from two sources:  One–it comes from my experience–my skills set, my hands on job training.  And two, it comes from my interactions with other attorneys and business people in the community–I talk to people who have careers.  Especially people who have careers in the areas I am interested in.  

So don’t be worried if you don’t know the answer to the question–”what do you want to be when you grow up.” No one does.

Every job you take is crucial to the development of your career.  Until that day your job blossoms into the love of your life–your career…I think it behooves us to treat every job as the ONE.   Love the one you are with, as the old adage goes. 

Lawyers and Drinking

Why do so many lawyers drink so much?

Take last week, for example. A colleague sent me and several others an email that he normally sends out every week. “Reminder: Happy Hour. Tomorrow, it’s Alma de Cuba. Be there or be square.”

The next day, a friend (lawyer) called me. “Hey, my colleagues and I are going to El Vez for drinks after work, and you’re invited.”

Later that same day, another friend (also lawyer) sent me a text. “I know it’s late notice, but I’m out with some colleagues, and we’re in your neighborhood. Come to Rouge if you want to catch up over some wine.”

That same week, I went to two Philadelphia Bar Association receptions. One featured two free drink tickets and appetizers. The other featured an open bar (free, of course) and heavy hors d’oeuvres and desserts.

I didn’t go to happy hour with my colleagues. And I met up with only one of my friends and ordered a Coke. I went to the two receptions but had one cocktail at one (and I said no thanks when some friends of mine went to a bar after that reception for more drinks) and only drank water at the other reception.

“You’re no fun,” said one of my acquaintances because I chose not to drink any alcohol at one of the receptions. “You know, it’s open bar, and it’s free!”

“I know, but if I drink at every reception I go to, I’d be drinking all the time,” I replied.

“What’s wrong with that?” he joked. “Aren’t you a lawyer? Aren’t we supposed to be alcoholics?”

That got me thinking, do lawyers drink more than average Americans? Apparently, we do. I have read that alcoholism is more prevalent among lawyers than it is among the general public. In fact, statistics show that about 13 percent of lawyers drink several alcoholic beverages a day, where as (only) seven percent of non-lawyers are alcoholics. I also read in another study that one out of three lawyers suffers from alcoholism.

Maybe the rate of alcoholism among lawyers is double the rate of alcoholism among non-lawyers because of all these happy hours and receptions we keep getting invited to. Maybe we drink more because it’s our way of destressing when we have lots of deadlines and constant pressure to attract and retain clients. Maybe it’s the adversarial nature of the profession that drives us to drink. Or maybe we drink because we often feel as though we have no control over our lives, since we are often at the mercy of judges, clients, and partners. Or, maybe we drink because lawyers generally tend to be unhappy people due to the hours we have to put in (billable or otherwise). Or, maybe our profession just attracts the type of people who are prone to drinking.

Today is Thursday. Is anyone going to happy hour after work?

What Law School Doesn’t Teach You But You Really Need To Know

In the middle of some crisis or another I was facing as a first year associate, I happened to glance over at my bookshelf. I noticed that a book seemed to be calling to me……hinting that help was near at hand. I had completely forgotten that I owned the book. Someone had kindly donated it to me when I was a summer associate–or maybe they felt like I needed some help.

Anyway, the book is called, “What Law School Doesn’t Teach You But You Really Need To Know.” To my genuine surprise and delight, there was an entire chapter entitled “Handling Things You Don’t Want to Handle: Mistakes, Too Much Work, Chimp Work, Ethical Issues, and Sexual Harassment.”

I had just done the unthinkable: I made a mistake. I tell you now, it was awful. I felt like my life was over. How had I ever graduated law school? Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a lawyer after all. How could anyone ever trust me again? Other people don’t make mistakes, do they!?

So a chapter on how to handle mistakes was just what the doctor ordered (along with a sedative, perhaps, and some anti anxiety medicine).

I have stopped punishing myself for my mistake, but I will never ever forget it. Older and perhaps a little wiser, I am convinced that you learn so much from your (unfortunately inevitable) mistakes that they are a crucial part of your development as an attorney.

You too can learn from my mistake: Whether you are a summer associate, law clerk, or you are gearing up for your first year as an associate, you would be well advised to obtain a copy of this handy dandy reference guide.

As a lawyer you need to arm yourself with good information. A successful career is not a matter of luck. Instead, it depends on knowing exactly what to do and what not to do.

 

 

Lawyer Ranking Site Rankling To Some

Avvo Corp., launched a website on June 5, 2007, that professedly “rates and profiles every lawyer so you can choose the right lawyer”.  Avvo’s website has caused quite a stir in the blogosphere and the company is already facing a class action lawsuit filed by lawyers rankled by the rankings. 

What is the big fuss?  Some are concerned that the ratings are arbitrary and are not representative of a lawyer’s legal experience, skills, or reputation.  Testing has also revealed some strange flaws in the new system:  One article states:

“In tests, however, Avvo’s pages seemed to be riddled with bizarre errors, profiles of attorneys who have been dead for more than a century and inexplicable scores in which some felons received better ratings than law school deans and internationally renowned litigators.”

I “Avvoed” myself and found that I have a “no concern” rating.  I did not see a 1 – 10 rating for myself so I took a look at a few other attorneys:  Alan Nochumson had a 6.5/10 score.  Michael Hayes had a 6.0/10 score.  What these scores mean?  I’m not quite sure.    I ”Avvoed” Abe Lincoln–and he definitely has a profile, though its looks suspiciously like a joke.

 Avvo is for lawyers what Expedia and Travelocity are for hotels:  rankings and an opportunity for customer commentary.  Is this a bad idea?  I’m not sure how many clients will be looking to Avvo for advice on which lawyer to hire–and I don’t know how many people will really take this site seriously, at least not in its early stages.  But I definitely find the concept interesting–and actually a little fun.  Avvo seems to have some aspects that are similar to LinkedIn, in that attorneys can manage their own profile and request peer endorsements and client ratings.  I am going to claim my profile and add some more information to see what happens to my lawyer rating.    If anything happens, I will let you know.

My Second First Year

I feel like a first year associate all over again.

I am going into my fourth year of practice. I was in my second year at my firm when Judge Bernstein asked me to clerk for him. It was the kind of opportunity I could not refuse–even though it involved a substantial pay cut. I had always wanted to clerk at the trial court level–so when the judge called me up, I knew I had to run with it.

My clerkship is now drawing to a close. Whew–this year has really flown by. Even though I do not bill time, or work twelve hour days, or come in on the weekend, this has been a very busy year. The judge keeps me on my toes, let’s just put it that way.

So, I will be starting with a new firm in September. And I have to tell you–I am pretty nervous. I think I am more nervous to start at my new firm than I was at my first firm as a first year. Why? I think it is because I know going in that I know nothing. Sure–at least I know how to write a brief, etc. etc., but I know next to nothing about the daily life in the firm. How will I fit in? What are the firm politics? How can I make sure that I hit the ground running? How can I make sure I don’t make any stupid mistakes? Is there anything else I should worry about that I haven’t even thought about yet? I am only just able to restrain myself from the plaintive query–”will they like me”?

I do know that I have to go back to billing. And I think this might be one thing I am dreading the most. I dread the prospect of working both days on a weekend, consecutive weekends in a row. I dread the burn out. And I really enjoy Thanksgiving with my family, thank you. (Oh, and here is a word of advice to first year associates–even though I know you won’t take it–if work is slow–take advantage of it. Don’t stay at work just for the sake of staying at work. You never know when you might get a breather again.)

Maybe I am just feeling pre race jitters–the kind of feeling I get right before a ten mile race, or that I used to feel before I jumped off the block for a 200 meter butterfly. I know it is going to be long and tough.

But I also know that I am going to be tougher. Maybe now is the time I need to bust out “Eye of the Tiger” and “Chariots of Fire” on my Ipod.

It is ok to be nervous (I keep telling myself). I am visualizing my performance. I am mentally preparing myself for what lies ahead. I am getting ready to give everything I have got.

Good thing I have until September.

I am lawyer, hear me roar

I was a competetive competitive swimmer from age 8 through college.  Swimming was everything to me.  It defined me–it was my identity.  I devoted every ounce of my energy, day in and day out, to being the fastest swimmer I could be.

I don’t swim six hours a day anymore.  I have traded my racing suit for a business suit.   I now devote all my time and energy to being a lawyer.   But I have not laid aside my competetive competitive nature.   I am hungry and driven to be the best lawyer I can be.   My profession has become my new identity–the way I see myself.  And I don’t mind one bit.  In fact, I have embraced it. 

I guess my point is that this is not just a job.  Being a lawyer is an integral part of who I am.   I never really thought it would be like this.  I just thought a job was a job. 

Jobby Job (or Strict Scrutiny)

Looking for a new job is one of the most unpleasant experiences I have ever had.   I find the whole process distasteful.  How does one capture a potential employer’s attention in a one page cover letter?  Does my transcript represent my abilities as a lawyer?  Can I please make my resume two pages long?  Am I good enough, am I smart enough…… Do people like me?? 

I had always hoped my potential employer would seek me out instead of the other way around. 

Rejection letters are the worst.  I just got a rejection letter from a job I didn’t even apply for.  I felt like writing back to them to let them know that I didn’t want their stinkin’ job in the first place.

Business Cards Are My Baseball Cards

Great networking advice, Abbie!

I know I have said this before, but Abbie’s piece got me going.   I love meeting new people.  It gives me a rush.  I love learning about where people come from, how they got where they are, what kind of work they do, where they want to go.  Some of my favorites recently have been the “young friends” events:  Young Friends of the Free Library, Young Friends of the Art Museum, Young Friends of the Philly Orchestra…etc.

And I also love figuring out how me and my new friend are connected.  Its my new game.  How many people do we have in common?  Philly is a small town, so you are bound to have at least one person in common.  For those of you stuck in the oficina due to billable hours, there are of course various online networking outlets (not nearly as fun as my game) such as friendster, myspace, and LinkedIn.   LinkedIn is a great professional resource.

 Michael Adler is a LinkedIn guru.  Check him out.  (I had to give you a shout out since you said you read this)

I am not so good at the LinkedIn–I only have 13 connections.  =(